my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
