Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
