My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize