I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
