Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
