Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
