He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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