My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
