I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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