oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
