I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i out mim tonsoeep
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