$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
