went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
