Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
As shirtless as possible
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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