My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
