Just fell off a train. Bad.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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