Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
