Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
