Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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