That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
