i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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