Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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