ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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