What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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