remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
