the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
