Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
