i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Girls should come with a carfax report
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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