I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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