Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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