You can't motorboat a personality
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
