Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Duck Duck Cougar?
Too much gin, very little bucket
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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