How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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