Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
