I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
