Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
