I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
