He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
