Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Randomize
