...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
