let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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