Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
