my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
