How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
