i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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