..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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