I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
