Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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