I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
