sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
