Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
