If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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