how can u be prego again
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
