i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
