Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
