yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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