Just fell off a train. Bad.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My vagina is very pro this idea
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
