my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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