hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
