"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
