Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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