Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize