You can't motorboat a personality
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
