Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
