I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
