Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
