I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
