his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
my shit smells like andre
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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